


Can You Hold Me

by spazzgirl



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Character Death, F/M, I cried while writing this, Slight Smut, romanogers - Freeform, so much feels in this one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-20
Updated: 2016-04-20
Packaged: 2018-06-03 09:01:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6604846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spazzgirl/pseuds/spazzgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>she could remember falling asleep to the sound of his heart beat</p>
            </blockquote>





	Can You Hold Me

**Author's Note:**

> So I’ve been in the mood to write something angsty with a mix of smut in it…. Yeah prepare for some major feels!!!
> 
> I promise to write something fluffy later on in life
> 
> Disclaimer: I claim no ownership of any characters used
> 
> is them speaking in Russian
> 
> Song used: Can You Hold Me by NF

_It feels like a tear in my heart_  
_Like a part of me missing_  
 _And I just can't feel it_  
 _I've tried and I've tried_  
 _And I've tried_

The sounds of footsteps could be heard within the quiet church. Eyes fell upon her as she walked down the aisle. Her heart beating rapidly within her chest.

* * *

 

_“Must you go on your run every single morning?”_

_The blond laughed as he finished putting on a shirt. “Come on Tasha, you know I gotta keep in shape.”_

_“So our late night activities doesn’t do the trick?”_

_He blushed at her words. “You know what, I’m not gonna bother responding.” A smile formed on his lips as she laughed, that beautiful laugh he loved oh so much._

* * *

 

As she got closer to the alter she could feel her body stiffening. So many emotions were running through her body. She tried to keep herself composed as each one of her footsteps echoed throughout the church.

* * *

 

_Natasha hummed happily as she felt him playing with her hair. Smiling as he would nuzzle against her neck and leaving soft loving kisses. His strong arms wrapping around her waist as they listened to the soft sounds of rain falling. Their legs intertwined as the blanket covered them up to the waist._

_< I love you so much>, he whispered in Russian._

_Her heart flutter when he said those simple words in her mother tongue. <I love you too, my soldier>._

_Steve smiled against her neck, he took her hand and kissed the knuckles._

* * *

 

Natasha felt her body wanting to collapse as she reached the halfway point of walking towards the alter. Her throat was beginning to tighten each time she was getting much closer. She could feel everyone’s eyes on her, normally she could ignore the stares, but now they were all nerve wracking.

* * *

 

_She knew she was also to blame to what had happen to him_

_“Steve,” she giggled as she felt the scruff of his beard against her cheek. “Go shave!”_

_“But I don’t want to,” he whined like a child. “I like the beard. Besides I can leave beard marks on you.”_

_Natasha rolled her eyes and turned around, her pointer finger on his naked chest. “Shave, or I’m withholding sex for a week, no a month.”_

_“Naaaaaattt!!”_

_“Do you think I’m kidding?”_

_“But I don’t want to get up,” he whined and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer. “Give me five minutes at least.”_

_“3.”_

_“You’re kidding me right?”_

_“2”_

_“Come on love, don’t do this!”_

_“2 and a half.”_

_“Alright, alright I’m going.” He grumbled as he forced himself out of bed. “Party pooper.”_

* * *

 

A steady sigh escaped her lips as she finally reached the alter. Going up the stairs she proceeded to head towards the podium. She looked around the church, taking in the solemn expression of everyone that was in it.

_Breathe in_

“We are here today to remember the life of Steven Grant Rogers, or as many of you know him as Captain America. A few days ago, he was taken away from us-”

_Away from me_

“Because he was fighting for what was right.”

* * *

 

_“I don’t understand Natasha.” His beautiful blue eyes were filled with so much pain._

_So much hurt_

_“Why Stark? Why him and not me?”_

_“You know why Steve.” She didn’t want to lie to him. “Stark is right and you know that!”_

_Steve shook his head. “The safest hands are still our own, you know that Tasha.” His head dropped. “Are you telling me you’d rather choose your head over your heart?”_

_“If it’s to help protect everyone I care about, than yes.” She tried to reach for his hand, but he pulled it away. “I’m tired of seeing the people I love hurt.”_

_“Well I’m hurting Natasha. Your decision to choose Stark over me, it’s just.” He took one of the chairs in his suite and threw it against the wall. “Just leave.”_

_“Steve, please.” The spy placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. <Don’t shut me out, my soldier.”_

_She winced as he smacked her hand away. “Just go, Romanoff.”_

_Natasha could feel her heart breaking into two. She knew she had to do everything in her power to protect Steve._

_Her head may be with Stark_

_But her heart will always be with Steve Rogers_

* * *

 

“Steve Rogers was a good man and still is despite his recent passing. His good heart was the reason why he was chosen for Project: Rebirth. Why he was destined to become Captain America. Captain America didn’t make Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers made Captain America.” She could feel herself trembling as her breathing became a bit unsteady. “Despite being on separate sides, Steve made sure to protect those who he cared about, even when they didn’t deserve his protection.”

* * *

 

_Her eyes widened as she watched her soldier losing ground against Zemo. She knew his previous fight with Crossbones and Stark were taking a toll on his body. Still Steve fought with vigor as Zemo had his sword out, clashing against Steve’s shield._

_Steve faltered as Zemo took this as his opportunity to strike. His sword ready to swing, but was met with one of Natasha’s batons._

_”Ah, the Black Widow. Surprised to see you defend this American whelp.”_

_Natasha gritted her teeth as she kicked him in the chest. “The black widow may be known for killing their mates, but this one fights to protect hers.”_

_The scientist grinned as he got up. “Well this is a surprise. To think the Red Room’s greatest creation would be with America’s greatest creation.” His eyes fell upon Steve’s staggering body. “I think I shall get rid of you first and then finish off the good captain!”_

_The spy managed to block every single one of Zemo’s attack, but some managed to get through and his sword left some cuts on her face and suit. Despite activating the tasers on one of her batons, it still didn’t give her an advantage over him. Zemo was a skilled tactician as well as a skilled fighter, he showed his skills by switching hands for his sword. Too focus on the blade, Natasha wasn’t aware of the small dagger he pulled from belt._

_“Natasha!” Steve’s eyes widened as he watched Zemo bury the dagger into her left side._

_“Captain America, watch as I take the one woman you care about, away from you.”_

_Using every ounce of energy he had left, Steve got up and ran towards the scientist. Natasha’s eyes widened as she watched the sword pierce through Steve’s suit, his blood splattered onto her face._

_“I’m not going to let you take away the person I love.” Steve groaned as Zemo dug the blade deeper._

_“Fine then, you can die first captain.” Three gunshots filled the air as Zemo had taken out one of his guns and shot through Steve’s chest._

_Steve slowly backed away as he watched the blood flow down his chest. Zemo’s eyes widened as he watched the super soldier pull the sword out of his stomach and run towards him. Before he had any time to react, Steve already gripped him by the shoulder as he thrusted the blade into his heart._

_“If I go down, I’m taking you with me too.”_

_As Zemo fell back, Steve felt himself falling but Natasha managed to catch him._

_“Steve!” She cradled his body in her arms. “Why’d you have to do that? Save me when I didn’t deserved to be saved.” Tears were forming in her eyes._

_“That’s not true.” He was starting to cough up blood. “Everyone deserves to be saved, even when they think they don’t.”_

_The tears were falling down her face._

_“Tasha,” he whispered softly as he smiled up at her. “I never stopped loving you, you know that?”_

_“I know,” she sobbed. “You’ve always had my heart Steve.”_

* * *

 

“Steve had the ability to show that everyone deserved a second chance, no matter what they had done in the past.” Natasha could hear the shakiness in her voice. “He taught me that it was okay to learn to love again.” Her fingers brushed against the engagement ring that hung from the chain around her neck. “He taught me what it was like to be loved.”

* * *

 

_A shaky breath escaped her lips as she came apart from his lips. She could feel his mouth leaving kisses on her skin as he made his way back up to her. Natasha moaned softly as he was kissing her neck and nipping at her ear._

_“Tasha.” He whispered hotly against her skin. His strong calloused hands stroking her sides. “Tasha, marry me.”_

_She pushed him away gently. “You’re joking, right?”_

_Steve chuckled. “Why would I joke about proposing to you?” He bumped his nose against hers. “You told me I’m a terrible liar, why start now?”_

_“You sure you want to marry me?”_

_“Of course,” his thumb brushed her cheek. “I love you, with all my heart. I’ll give you all of me Natasha. So please, marry me.”_

_Tears of joy were forming in the corner of her eyes. “Yes.” She let out a choked sob. “Yes I’ll marry you!”_

_Steve smiled as he was floating on cloud nine, he pulled the ring out of his drawer next to his bedside and slipped it on. He took her left hand and kissed the back of it, but his lips lingered on the engagement ring on her finger._

_“Now I’m going to make love to my fiancé,” he grinned happily._

_She felt herself gasping for oxygen as he filled her so well. Their bodies moved in synch together as if they were fighting side-by-side or dancing. His left hand sought out for hers, their fingers interlaced as the soft light of the moon shone upon her engagement ring. Throughout their whole love making, Steve whispered nothing but sweet loving words to her._

_Green eyes took in the sight of her soon-to-be husband as he slept soundly. How young he looked when he was at peace, without the weight of the world on his shoulder. She smiled as she stroked his chest as she cuddled up against left side. Natasha placed a loving kiss on his cheek and laid her head on his chest. The sound of his heart beat lulling her to sleep. Where she’d dream about walking down the aisle in a white gown and their future together as a wedded couple._

* * *

 

Natasha refrained herself as she watched the pallbearers taking the casket away. It was as if Steve was leaving her again, but this time she couldn’t follow. It took every ounce of her power to restrain herself from throwing her body on top of his dead body as she saw him, laying still in the casket. She didn’t want to say goodbye to him, not when they were getting ready to start a new chapter in their life. Everything they worked for, fought for, all had gone to waste the moment he died.

* * *

 

Once everyone left his gravesite, Natasha was the only one left, even Bucky gave her space as he waited for her in the car. Knowing she was by herself, all the pent up emotions she kept bottled in ever since she gave her eulogy in the Church had now been released. She fell on her knees and cried her heart out, the American flag pressed against her chest as she buried her face in the fabric. The coldness of his dog tags, alongside the engagement ring, pressed against her skin.

She cried for the heavens to give him back

She cried for them to take her instead

That Steve deserved to live his life to the fullest

* * *

 

_“Steve,” she called out to the sleeping figure next to her. “Steve.”_

_“Hmm,” he responded sleepily. “What’s the matter?”_

_“I’m cold.”_

_He opened his eyes and raised a brow. “Really, you’re cold?” Steve laughed a bit. “You have a blanket Tasha. Go back to sleep.”_

_“But Steve, I’m really cold.” She wouldn’t admit it, but she really liked it when he had his arms around her. “Can you hold me, please?”_

_“Alright,” he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her to his chest. “Now go back to sleep, please,” he grumbled against her neck._

_“I will.” Natasha turned around and buried her face against his chest. <Good night my soldier>._

_Steve smiled. <Good night love>._

_Natasha slept peacefully in his arms, knowing that he would keep her safe no matter what._

* * *

 

<Goodbye, my soldier. I will always love you>. Natasha placed a gentle kiss on his tombstone as she got up and left.

 _If I ain't got you_  
_I ain't got nothing_  
 _If I ain't got you_  
 _I ain't got you_  
 _If I ain't got you_  
 _I'm lonely_  
 _If I ain't with you I'm lonely_  
 _I'm lonely_  
 _I need you_  
 _I need you_  
  
_Can you hold me?_  
 _Can you hold me in your arms?_

**Author's Note:**

> So this turned out more angsty, with a smidge pinch of smut LOL
> 
> I CRIED OKAY


End file.
